I Do Indeed Have A Father

This is a big subject for me. You would think that age 46 years old I would have plenty of friends. Well I do, and I don't. Now let me explain why I say that. For over three quarters of my life I had no clue who I was, let alone people around me. You gotta get before learning to give. Growing up years was not a playground or fun. I dont remember alot of it anymore, which I think it is God's healing for me. Anyway, sometimes I feel I am just beginning on the journey of making friends. I have friends that love me. And they are the ones that I can give credit for this journey of life of making friends a start. You just can't judge a book by it's cover. My cover tried to look good and be okay, but my friends would open the pages of that book. Reading things that were terrible, not consumable for every reader. But being friends, they knew what to white out and what to expand on. I desire more than anything to learn to do that for others. Praise God He did those things for t...

I must have been tired when I went to bed last night. I did not wake up til, 9:27 a.m. Ok, maybe that is a little later than some would get up, but it was a good rest either way. Tami fixed eggs, bacon and bagel for breakfast. Very good. Carlos went to get a transmission for his car , Tami had a doctor appointment, Liz went to work. I got to watch Addison for her.Addison is a sweet baby, she is warming up to me. Oh, none of them were gone long. And before Tami left Carlos made it back so we watch the kids together. Fun watching Tami and Carlos playing with the kids and their interactions. We all had a good day, went to do a little shopping and just being together. The roads are very busy here. The gas seemed as thou it is higher at $3.10 I think. It is cold, snow stayed on the ground. Maybe we will get some more. Enjoying the visit.Tami and Carlos is very sweet. They had a disagreement tonight, but it was good that they worked it out. So thankful my daughter has him as a husband. He i...

Got up at three this morning and got to the airport by 4 a.m. or a little after 4. I had Dylanna just drop me off instead of her coming in and all. Got through baggage check in, security and all that good stuff. After security I had to go to the very last gate. So it was not a short distance. Time seemed to pass pretty well. Not too many people or kids at 6 a.m. Got loaded on a small plane, the kind with two seats on one side and one on the other of the isle. So that was a two hour trip. Got to Newark, New Jersey and I did not have to find another gate. Pretty neat to come in and go out the same gate. Now it is time to wait for next flight. I think it was three hours. Plus a 15 minute delay. I got hungry. Since we did not eat at 3 in the morning and no time after that. So , what is there? Coffee, granola yogurt is what I got. By now there is more people and kids. I met this little boy who was four. Once he got startde , silly could be his name. But I was sitting there when across from ...

Well today at four we as in Dylanna, Samantha, Jasmine and myself will be heading to Nashville. We will be staying with Jeff and Becky at her parents house. God is good, they are 30 minutes from the airport. Somebody will drive me to the airport at 4 a.m. tomorrow morning, so I can be all checked in and ready for my flight at 6 a.m. I found a small on the go printer and made some cute little picture holders, maybe God will give me the opportunity to offer to take a picture of a couple kids. The printer connects directly to my camera. Take picture, print in about 2 minutes. I don't know, I am sure there might be somebody that thinks, wouldn't it be nice I could print the picture I just took. Anyway , we will see. Keep ya posted on happenings while I am away to RI for two weeks.

Hi again. It is interesting how Shammah was talking about John at the same time that Amy Carmichael thought of him. She brought out when John sent the disiples to Jesus to ask Him if He is the one or not? His response for them to go back and tell John what they have seen and heard. John must have been so encouraged. Luke 7:22-23 Go your way, and tell John.... Before they got to the end of the mighty things they were to tell him, John's heart must have kindled with new hope: My Lord can do all that, He is doing all that, He is ominipotent. He is my loving Lord, and He is very near. He who is doing all these things will do great things for me. I shall soon be free- He who is opening the prison doors of death will open my prison door. Can you not hear him say it, or least feel him think it, as he listens to all the things His Lord can, and has done. And then instead of a promise and quick help, " Blessed is he, whoever shall not be offended with Me"- Matt 11:6 and that ...

Well today went into Jackson with Mary B. took her to Walmart, Kmart and Baskin Robbins. It is so funny the relationship that Mary and I have gained. We have some funny things to laugh at as far as when we first met and time went on that we did not get along with one another at all. I would treat her poorly and like she had cooties or something. As time went by God was faithful to do His work with me. So we really laugh about it now and she playfully hits me. I am very thankful for the hard time her and I went thru. I am very thankful we can laugh about it now too. Anyway we had a good time. After we came out of Kmart, I was driving out of the parking lot when I felt I was supposed to drive up to the lady walking thru the parking lot. So I drove up said Merry Christmas to her and she responded back. I felt there was something else so I paused before driving off. She asked me which direction I was going, I told her South. She looked disappointed, I asked her where she needed to go, she ...

Yep it is late, well I guess I could say early. Anavah was due to be at the train station in Memphis last night at 10 pm. We got there earlier, which was good since we could not find a place to park for awhile. Then I had to squeeze between two cars, um that is the parallel parking, have not did that in awhile but it went ok. So we get inside, could not figure out how to get where we needed to go. With the help from a couple of police officers they were kind enough to show us. There was a disco dancing party going on for the school in there, loud music indeed, plus lights. I wont say the last time I experienced that. smile. Got the ticket, got a conversation going with a sweet lady who was about my age. Well I must say that at first there was not any smiling going on from the people around us much. Well, breaking out of my box, I started a conversation with them.They started smiling after a couple minutes. Found out she was the mother of the 2 twenty year olds with her. She offered me ...

Today I made a couple of gifts for a couple of people. I got them done, looked at them and thought they are not perfect. But some how inside I felt at peace with them thinking how many times I have wanted to hide my flaws and look right and good. Thank you Father for helping me to be freer. I always used to tell my kindergärtners that it was their effort and attitude that mattered to me about what they did , not how perfect it was. I always need the reminder.

I have been making crafts , cards and such for my friends. I started thinking of nativity scenes and the thought of Our Savior came to be. Since I have had barns with animals and know how the stable can be. Nativity scenes always look so pretty. It gave me a perspective I have not thought about before. I know alot of times the trying to make things about my life and the way that I am better than it is came to mind. Christ for sure started his long suffering for us long before the cross. I mean, the stable I am sure was smelly, plus the poky hay in the manger. Praise God He loves me and I don't need to polish my life. Thou that is a fight not to want to polish it up. I hope to encourage others that our lives are redeemed in such a real way.

I know what a funny title since there is not any snow on the ground or in sight. I was just sitting here thinking that sometimes I get in places of feeling gloomy. So I had the thought of our winters, sun is not out as much, no flowers to look at. Well, the same with our situations, sometimes we have fun, very busy to slow and sometimes just waiting for the next thing to do. It amazes me to think of our seasons, of how in God's creation he created them and they come to praise Him all year round, waiting His coming. I mean, just think of our trees of how they change season to season, buds and flowers in the Spring, green leaves in the summer, colorful leaves in the fall and then bare trees in the winter. Anyway being thankful and seeing the sun on a cloudy day takes effort. Thank you Father for always being near no matter the season. The other day I found myself in a great funk.I said something,after I spoke I felt so stupid, hope one day I will get passed that or at ...

Today we had an awesome Gathering. God comes in such miraculous ways. Today He came in the form of Nora who opened the gates to freedom of worship and praise. The freedom was amazing. So often having chains around our neck can mean our fear of what we would like, if it looks crazy or basically we are just too aware of ourself instead of aware of God. I hope this is not too bold of a statement to say but the freedom that was in the midst of us today, the gates of hell could not prevail against it. I had a picture in my mind today when John and Chloe sang their song. Mercy Has Saved Us, I think . I pictured how it is so amazing how sometimes we can be freed by one thing and other things fall off as well. I pictured people with their arms linked as like bound in chains, God comes and frees some of us one link at a time, since of course we don't know how deep or strong the hold is. I pictured a dance using the linking and unlinking of peoples arms. But part of me knows I am not a da...

Last week I started thinking about Brent. He has for sure made it rough by his decisions he has made in his time so far. He called last week and we talked for awhile. He was telling me how people wont hire him cause of his record and history. He was getting pretty aspirated. Thoughts about how many homeless people there is, rather it is their fault or not. Thinking about even us: homeless is not just not having four walls and a roof over our head for sure, but it is not to have a place to make mistakes and still be loved, not to know that God really loves you rather than just words. Anyway, I felt like Abraham one day when I went before God and telling him that if there is just one small desire in Brent to really earn his money honestly, bless it. Well I got a call the other day and was told he got a job working for a week, for $60 a day. He was excited. I was excited, I told him I prayed and others are praying for him also. Not just for money of course. Anyway, I believe Our Fa...

Today I went with Shebeth and the girls to a Quilt Show. Pretty fun. Lot's of fun, interesting art there. There were a couple of ladies there that knew Simchah. They spoke of her kindly. Anyway, we had a good time. Before we left here the van gave us trouble of not wanting to start, but it started. We got there at the show and were praying it would start when we came back out and it did. Thank You God. It has been interesting that opportunities to talk to more people out in public places has been happening more, since mostly I have shyed away from doing such in the past. But lately just a simple conversation of noticing they have had a long day or they just approach me and talk and I listen. Has not been deep spiritual things or anything but I thank God that he keeps bringing the opportunity to do so until His will is accomplished us and for other people around, even if we fail twenty thousand times- He will complete what He starts. Amen- God Is Good, All the time, All the time,...

Here we are getting ready for our Ingathering. Our God sent travelers are home from Africa, so we had a corporate Gathering. It was an awesome one at that. We got to hear more about the people that live in Africa, trials and blessings. We got to see pictures of them as well. The praise songs were incredible. God let a few more things come clearer to me during the gathering. Not too long ago I was told I was being selfish and hurt a sister. I felt horrible for this sister. It stung for a couple of days. I was thankful she told me and God keeps coming after me. The banner I am making for the Ingathering seems to be a battle. The banner is gonna have From Ashes to Beauty on it. There has been times where things would come up that it would make me wonder ,how can it be true. Then I would remember all the things that God has been showing me. YES it is true. This life is about how much Our Father Loves us, indeed. Anyway my thoughts got scattered, while we were singing yesterday , the t...

Tony is leaving today to chase down what he thinks will make him happy. He has to do this. I feel like God is not done with him in the least though. God loves him greatly, he just does not know that. Our God Is Mighty To Save. The battle rages in our kids, and they have not came to grips to how to do the battle. Standing in the gap means more to me these days with a clearer understanding of what that means.

I wanted to write about my past few weeks. One just in case you don't know, our female llama got too hot and went down, almost lost her. She was pregnant too. She got hit pretty hard with the heat stress. She did start getting some energy back so she could take in water and food. She has not been able to stand up on her own at all. So that means that we have had to check on her every two or three hours to make sure she can reach her water, exercise her legs and wait. The waiting has been hard to see how long she will be down. She got up one time for not even a minute one Friday I think. That was exciting and encouraging. Don't mean to mix you up but I have to do this to try to get out what I want to say. We have been having some trouble in our house and waiting for two people on Monday. Well to start my morning I went down to check on Serena the llama. I found her dead baby beside her. The heat stress hit the baby too. I felt kind of relieved thinking that maybe it will be...

Hi it has been awhile. I wanted to share a little something. I have been here awhile and My Father has loved me greatly , even more than my mind can fully grasp. The other day I was driving into town when a thought of delight came to me. I thought, what do I have to share with others,yes, I know I have been here awhile but I do have a stubborn streak. As I was thinking about how it is always so hard to talk to people about this Life or anything else. The thought crossed my mind that it is not about me or my failures, success or anything like that, it is only about His Love for me. AND THAT IS THE HOPE THAT LIETH WITHIN US. And no I am far from perfect. Sitting here tonight I am so delighted with Our Father. I mean knowing that unless He does something within us ,it is null and void.

Just the other night when all our lights were going off and on. Well I thought it would be a good idea to run some water for when the lights go out. Well the water was filling the tub, I was doing clean up. Well some time went by when Eric was talking about a flood and I was triggered about the tub. Ran in there and God covered me for sure by an inch, no kidding. I laughed, and was so thankful. Even small things like that we can watch God be with us when we pay attention.

I traveled with Asher and Gannah. I slept on their couch the night before since we were getting up and going by 4:30 a.m. I think. We got up and loaded in the car, got to Nashvlle. The weather was nice and couldn't be better. We parked the car in a parking area where it would stay til we got back. We took a bus to the airport , got through all of the luggage drop off, securities and so forth, went pretty smooth, not too long of time periods to wait. Going there we had two flights and coming back was just one. Anyway the flights went well , the securities went well, well the last one Asher had to have his bag searched cause of something they forgot. We all laughed and went on though. When we got to the airport in Providence, Tami, Diego, Carlos Sr. and Carlos Jr. mom was there to pick me up. Then there was Mary and Elizabeth to pick Asher and Gannah up to take them to the hospital for Elizabeth's birth. Quite a delightful time seeing them. It was a really funny t...

I get to go see Tami. God provided me with the money for tickets and everything. He is so good. Thank you more than I can say.I will be flying with Asher and Gannah. I am excited. I have not been anywhere with them. Looking forward to it. Looking forward to seeing grand son Diego too along with meeting Tami's husband. Thank you again.

We have been asking to hear from Brent. Well the other day I got a letter from him. The next thing is to see how to respond to his letter without being to hasty. He is asking for money, and for me to supply my phone number so he can give as a point of reference to his getting out time in July. He said he wanted to come back here to live to get on his feet. The letter was written by somebody else. A matter of finding out what is next.

I got the privilege today to go to Millington to the gathering. We had a good time. Tim gave David Ben a funny birthday card and a t-shirt with, something special written on it but I forget, sorry. Plus Tim had told him that he had hoped it not only be his physical birthday but spiritual one. Tim told him he doesn't have to be cool that God loves him as he is. It was really sweet. Judah sang a song for his wife just to express that he still thinks of her while he works , It was a very sweet song, I saw David Ben cry through it.We danced and that was fun, yes even for me after crying for years every time I had to dance. I had the privileged of meeting little John , Andrea's son. I was very drawn to him . Before we left the house to come home after the gathering I told him how I enjoyed his playing the instrument he had played for a very short time. Anyway, Andrea and I was talking when she had said something to the effect of how he wants people to thinks he is ugly,her saying th...

We had a passage for the twin girls. It was incredible. So full of God, so different than others. The girls was given so much. And I must say it was the first one in a long time that I was able to just enjoy from beginning to end , not to say that the other passages was not full and good. I don't know exactly why but I felt freer.I loved all of what the ladies brought. The night before the passage I typed up a poem for the twins called "Till The Stars Appear". It felt peaceful and ready. During the passage though, smile , another group had did the same poem for them even in being a word poem that I could not pull off that I wanted to do. So after this group went I pondered , now what? Well God has a sense of humor that I got to experience. I felt He said that it's like lolly pops having different flavors so I presented them anyway and felt at peace and delighted to be able to do so. Thank you my sisters for all that you have done for me in these years. I am finally fr...

This morning I woke up and the verses about God's promises and all ran through my head. I was determined today to practice doing something towards the Kingdom of God today that I have a way to be a part of. I got alot done today and enjoyed doing it. Today while I pondered and am memorizing 2 Peter 1:3 I started thinking of how to apply this, thoughts and convictions started washing me it seemed. I sat and realized that for awhile that I am so full of some disappointments concerning the petting zoo. I hope I can get this out to where it makes since. As I sat and being convicted about for so long I have waited for things to happen at the petting zoo, I would try for a spell and quit or get discouraged , I use the reason cause of not enough support, but after reading and pondering on this one verse alone even, that is not the reason. I always think things like I can't just make things happen, with what can I do that? Well those are really crazy thoughts. Unbelieving in the fact ...

Shammah was teaching tonight about denying ourselves and believing in God's promises. I can't do his teaching any justice so I will express what I have been thinking about. Where we started reading from 2 Peter 1:3. Which the title of it says Growth in the Faith. This is a very powerful verse : For His divine power has given us everything required for life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness. That is an amazing thought that since His divine power has provided everything for life and godliness, we have no excuse at all. Wow. Well, I am sitting here looking at this and for once I am not sitting feeling like oh no I can't ever reach that. I am thinking I have work to do with help of course. I get so feeble minded so often unfortunately that I am still trying to learn some of the basics, sadly to say. I don't want to be that way. When Shammah said that the only difference between Abba and us is that he denies him...

Where to start. When my children grew up we all had a rough life. I did not know how to be a parent for one, my life in general was a mess and with much regret did not have much to offer to my children in reality of hope. I ran out of that years before I had children. Just going through life cause it was there. When I was raising my children I can remember the sweet moments with them and wanted to hold on to that forever. Not knowing who our maker was. I always wondered will I ever find the right husband who could love the children who could love me and who could I love. I always questioned those things. Thinking how could my children ever grow up and get what they needed without somebody other than me. It seems though My Father had a plan long before I knew about it even. Back in 1996 I came to meet God's people. Wow. I knew they had something I had no clue about. Everything I could have thought I knew about who God was went out the window. I am glad for that. I was a beggar that ...

It is the hardest thing to do is have a relationship with people. smile. One day maybe that thought will fade but for now My Father has to deal with me quite often. Good thing or I really would be left to myself. The other night Annie and I sat with Simchah and Naqi. Well we do need to be aware of the fight that is going on. Not against each other as we most often get tangled up thinking. I thank God Simchah believes in me enough to where she knows where in the walk and fight I would like to be. She mostly always has a way of doing that even if it don't feel good. I just did not see Annie. Trapped in my own thought unfortunately. I am very thankful My Father knows what I need. The next step is to see his hand and face sooner when it is the heat of the battle and fight with My Father and not against Him.

I have been in the body of Christ for awhile. I don't know if I can make since of this but I am gonna try. Before I came life was a big blur and disastrous. There is some parts I remember all too well and some I think God has covered my memory up from the torture. I titled this blog I Do Indeed Have A Father , for a reason. When I grew up I had 7 step dads that was all drinkers. How I managed that I don't know accept it was the hand of My Heavenly Father in whom I did not know. I grew pretty resentful in those days. I was so mad at my mom then, did not understand how this could happen. Time passed and I came to realize with help of forgiveness given to me that she did only what she knew. In which is a neat story if I can get it out. It was several years ago shortly after we as Rose Creek Village moved to this new land Haddashah that I was still struggled greatly with many ,many things bitterness is one, it had a death grip. Hope I can make sense of this. I remember having a co...

Things I have been thinking about. Where to start. Golly, I don't know-I am not a writer but here goes. I’ve been reading a book called "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" along with the scriptures. The highlights of what stands out to me is responsibility=response ability. Been on this as a Pilgrim for a long time. Along the way on the path there has been a lot of God given to me. What have I done with it? Wow, what a question? No, this is not about crying over spilled milk but I think it is some things I can see now and couldn't see before. some I can't change but learn from, some I can clean up and start over . Don't take me wrong I have taken responsibility for a lot of my actions and overcame-but taken responsibility of reactions n other people that I helped create is another story. What a concept! I always focus on my failures more than anything. What a trap! How many more times have I went off the path? Too many. How many times does my Father hav...