Broken Heart

Strange title huh. By no means am I a writer like some. I try. Sometimes I feel pretty stupid thou but that is ok, good exercise for me. Ok, there is a reason I titled this broken heart.

God is faithful for sure even when I am not. I am indeed stubborn as most people know. Not proud of it by no means but am regardless to say. I am very opinionated too, duh , that is a hard one since it hurts the people around me. God is really coming after His people about intimacy . I am no good at that indeed. I hope I don't make you chase rabbits while reading this :).

Anyway, I went off in left field some where away from the goodness of MY Father. I went down the path of totally feeling insecure if people don't like me, or what if they care for her more, all self. Trusting my own mind again, that is dangerous to every degree. We had two people come talk with us, no pun pulled that is for sure. Having to look at again that as many people I have had relationship problems, things get too hard I want to run away from it instead of closer to God. I get so dull of hearing and seeing My Father. My mind sometimes can seem to accept things easier then deep inside. I am 47 and don't want to waste anymore life.

I was reading a book by Elizabeth Elliott and she said something, yea I have heard it before, but the way it hit me this time was pretty eye opening to me. This is what she said" I believe in one God, the Father, the Almighty, Maker of all things visible and invisible." Then she says this " There's a statement that has nothing to do with my personal opinions or emotions.It's a statement truth and fact regardless of how I am feeling or anything else." It just made me start thinking how I make everything about me- most unfortunate.

Anyway during our two people broken heart was said to me, yes I need a broken heart then God could Love through His vessel. I expect things of people too- well just to say as you can see there is alot of work My Father is trying to do with me, that is just a drop, one of His Daughters that so many times I crumble under and wonder how can that be?

Ok I am getting closer to the broken heart, the other night every thought came to my mind and hit me hard, thoughts that ,had me crying so hard and screaming at the thoughts to go away, well I ended up praying to God to help me only just to hear Him. The thoughts quieted for awhile, I looked up and opened the package that I ordered, it was 4 heart shaped bowls, and guess what, they all some how gotten broken before they got to me. I just sat there and looked at them, took it very seriously that God is behind this, and thought on the spiritual broken heart, I have asked God to grant me a broken heart. So I can hear, see Him in a more intimate way. I don't think I have ever experienced a real LOve for somebody, you know unconditionally, no expectations, not wondering if they see my efforts, not wondering things like that.

I started thinking of much afraid when the seed of Love was planted inside of her there was pain indeed just as Our Savior. broken heart- I know it is pottery but I am His vessel that I get so wrapped up in to thinking of how to get filled, It is not the filling but it is the pouring.
But as I thought and reading the scriptures I started to feel this desire that all that is important is to learn to Love others,,, then I will be Happy for it will be fulfilling the purpose of My Father.

So baby steps I go believing that My Father will complete a work He began, My focus has been way off- But My Father is coming after me Thankfully.

Another Day For A Chance

Yes, another day to wake up , see the sunshine, the faces of our friends and to know Our God loves us. Yes another chance to live as today may be your last day to serve Our master, another day to speak as it may be our last, our deeds and practices, dealings with one another in truth, love and hope.
Sometimes I know we wake up and take everything for granted as thou it will always be there. It won't, the only things that will stand forever is the Love that we pass onto one another that was passed to us as Our Father has shown us.
Fresh air is always better to breathe and to live in. Is there unclear thoughts and wonders that need to be dispelled ? Is there people you have hurt and need to repent for it? Is there deeds you just know was not ok to do that you need to change your direction in? What about knowing something that God has for sure wanting you to do that you keep brushing to the side cause it is easier?
Another day to be open to listening to Our Father. Another day to be grateful. Another day to make better choices in what you do.
Another day to ask Our Father to help us to see the hearts of those That God put in our path. Another day to let Our Father discipline us cause He loves us. Another day to face things that are true that you are afraid of. Another day to pray for your neighbor . Another day for the chance of reconciliation with Our first Love.
Another day to notice an overwhelmed cashier and give her a smile. Another day to save somebody else the work and you do it. Another day for a chance....... you can fill in the blank.
There is a song that we sing that talks about how we will talk of God's goodness. Today is a chance to do that. Yesturday after the passage (into womanhood of choosing to follow God) of one of our young ladies. Which by the way was very sweet. She was given alot on being a woman of God.
God is good. He gave us His Son.
God is good. He has given me friends that help me laugh during my juicing.
God is good. He has saved me from the desires to just do whatever I want to do regardless of hurting others.
God is good. He Loves me as far as the east is to west. Never ending.
God is good. His mercies are new every morning.
God is good. When we have a hard time His hand is not shortened.
God is good. That He hears our voice and inclines His ear to us.
God is good. That He calls us His friends.
God is good. That He gives His children good gifts.
God is good. That He allows to dwell in His House.
God is good. That He gives us chances, friends, food, hearing ears, opened eyes, and the list can go on on on.........

This is it for the day.

Healthier

Where to start. Gee, I really started thinking and feeling that I wanted to feel healthier, function better . I have gotten into alot of bad habits again, like I was with my walk with My Father. Lazy , complacent, short cuts and all. When I was watching all the movies I was watching, thou they were not bad movies but I was not digesting what was healthy for growing with God. I feel like my diet and spiritual walk is going hand in hand . The more I started looking at reality of what I have been doing , the more I did not like it.
I have been feeling fresher and clearer and the presence of My Father since I am not watching movies, just me. This juicing has caused me to look at how much confessingly I like food. But not all the right kind. I think about the foods I put in my body that is just a hurry up kind- you know processed or fast food while I am out and about. Easy things to do. Tastes good, fills me up but then later I feel like I swallowed a rock, yuk. I am encouraged I lost 4 pounds so far. Yea!
I get to thinking about how our bodies was created in such a way to have built in healing devices, it is fascinating reading about how our organs are to all work together to function properly. I feel like that alot those functions is or can be broken down cause of the lack of what I take it.
The same way with our Body, The Church, if we don't function according to how we were created to do. Then it creates hard feelings, feeling every body is against you, murmurings and so forth. I am really excited about our Ingathering this year , I feel a restoration is at hand.
We have an Inheritance - Let's claim it, get into one another's heart.

Thank God

Well, about a week and half ago I was beginning to feel I needed to change some things. When God gave Jim all that he gave us with all the passion he had, and with the Ingathering coming- His timing is always perfect even thou I don't see it. I wished that I could say that I don't have to get out there before seeing it. One of my idols That I had to see was MOVIES thru netflix. Very easy excess , plug earphones into my computer-so not to bother anybody. Steam a movie pretty freely from netflix. Got lazy, so lazy, every body goes to their rooms so another easy excuse to watch a movie. I also know that there was a movie that coming back up in conversation and before me on netflix, I avoided it , not cause it was bad but cause I knew I would be convicting- "Cross And The Switch Blade", I think is the name of it. I was not being with my friends, too lazy to walk ALL THE WAY down the hill and back up. So yes I was taking the easy way :(. It is one thing to occassionally watch a movie with your friends and do this with moderation but unfortunately I abused it. I felt I needed to delete my netflix account.I had a rough time giving that up , I kept thinking I just am not created enough to do things other than that. I just paid for the month too but I felt that when I did , I felt My Father smile.
Since then I have gotten time with friends, gotten things accomplished and things don't seem as mondane on a daily basis now. Had a blast with one of my friends lastnight that I would have missed if I was watching a movie. Thank God Our Father smites our hearts and desires us to come after HIm, Praise that He won't let us just stay in our Egypt ways.
I was reading today about this teacher teaching a driving class. Just before the day when they are about to take a test, the teacher asked each of them to name one safety rule. Well by time the teacher got to the last student, all the safety rules had been named- but the student answers and says "my father tells me that my actions speaks louder than words". The teacher was pleased and thumbed up his answer.In other words, we can study, know answers, be smart, and everything like that but if our actions do not please Our Father, what are we doing? Question for me.
I say all that if hearing something and I go yea, yea that is awesome and I have no change, to walk my words. I don't want to do that. I have not been writing lately, I did not have anything, but not cause my Father is not good, but cause I have not been going after Him. I feel like I have missed alot cause I have been caught up in things other than My Father's heart. Hope I have not been too wordy.
This is all for now. Thank God for friends. Thank God for friends that will step on our spiritual toes, and Thank God for restoration.

A New Day

Today is a new day.Today is a good day. Not cause I won a lottery, a prize or anything of the sort, but cause - God is still in charge. It is amazing that no matter how stubborn, stray off the path, or what ever it may be, that God loves me more than my mind can fa-them. Today at at our ladies meeting, God reminded me how much He has looked over me and saved me from. Not of anything I have done.
I remember there once was a time when I would just go thru the days when it felt like I was just following whatever wim that came, not even making decisions, like there were no choices but to follow it. Time passed and friends in Christ started speaking into my life. Things started happening, like being aware that I don't have to be that person. We have a maker, a creator and A Father who deals with our being as He wills and desires.
Sometimes I wonder if I make a difference with people who may read my blog. But I have not written anything for awhile. Something sure stirred in me this morning, a deep reminder, I felt very tender. Our young people learning to have a voice for things that matter to them is huge.Amen Amen to them. I cried at the very sound of what came from her heart. Such sensitive subject- standing up for abused children who does not have a voice against those who hurt them. Thank you to all of you willing to be a voice. God was my voice, for I had none. I sit here hoping I did not say anything too sensitive or out of line. My mind was just thinking of a song- I don't know the title but a dear friend Mala wrote the song. Has these words, " He loves me more than any man", Praise God .

There was a time when there was no way could I believe He loved me. Having trouble seeing thru my tears and the words I type are not wanting to print. Indeed I Have A Father. Bye for now.

Blog List

I just added this feature, I did not know how to do it til now. So I hope I have all my friends there. If by chance you notice one missing let me know. Thanks.

Prayer and Subria/ Shammah's Family

It has been a long time since I have posted for sure. I wanted to share a story that was a blessing. Last week I was babysitting my grand daughters. Went well, had fun and was a delightful time. There came the time to put the girls to bed. Well, Subria was not wanting to go to bed so she became a little fussy. I was standing by her bed when I felt nudged to pray for Shammah and family. Basically that Hannah and children would stay well so it does not hinder their visit with Shammah. So, I said to Subria, " do you want to pray with me for Hannah family not to get sick?" Well her face lit up, stopped fussing and said, yes. So we did pray . Next she cuddled up with her baby doll, blanket and pillow and went right to sleep.

This story is so in honor of Shammah and his family. As the way Subria was so at joy with the thought of them, I feel ... trying to get out what I am feeling. It is not like Subria knows them well or anything but in the hearts of our little ones God reveals much. Anyway this is all for now.

How Encouraging

I was reading yesterday about how God did not even call His angels friends But as for us He calls us His friends. What a thought. Pretty neat so I thought I would share it and hope it encourages you.

Tucked In

I have not been feeling real well lately, this is so cute I can not resist writing about it. Today I told the kids I live with I was gonna go take a nap. Well I get in here and here comes our Audrey Rose with a book and said I am gonna tuck you in. She read two books to me, one was " Let's Go Visiting" and then she sang the "The Lady With A Alligator Purse". You think that is sweet, well grand finale is that she literally tucked my blanket in around me. It was so sweet and cute.

Another Day- Who Is Like Our God

It's like every day thanking God that He is able to save us from our wretchedness. There has been some changes since the last time I posted. One I live with Tehom, Beth and Benayah along with their children. I share the bedroom with Audrey Rose, which is a sweet experience, she always asks me when I am going to bed. She is a delight to be with. Enjoying the other children as well. And the adults too of course.
Another change is that I work at our store. I look forward to seeing you there. I get to work mostly with Ruth which has been learning and delightful. Ruth is a very delightful young lady who I look forward to our relationship growing. In which she planted some seeds in those big pots in front of the store which I am very much looking forward to seeing them grow too. This is all for now.