Out of Ashes Come Beauty

I wanted to write about my past few weeks. One just in case you don't know, our female llama got too hot and went down, almost lost her. She was pregnant too. She got hit pretty hard with the heat stress. She did start getting some energy back so she could take in water and food. She has not been able to stand up on her own at all. So that means that we have had to check on her every two or three hours to make sure she can reach her water, exercise her legs and wait. The waiting has been hard to see how long she will be down. She got up one time for not even a minute one Friday I think. That was exciting and encouraging.
Don't mean to mix you up but I have to do this to try to get out what I want to say. We have been having some trouble in our house and waiting for two people on Monday. Well to start my morning I went down to check on Serena the llama. I found her dead baby beside her. The heat stress hit the baby too. I felt kind of relieved thinking that maybe it will be one less thing pulling at her energy and she would be getting up sooner. Anyway, I was thinking how at 7 we have Hannah and Simchah coming to sit with us ladies in our house. After I took care of the dead baby I started thinking about our coming meeting. I thought about how Serena had a dead baby but I still care for her, and not gonna hold it against her. So with that thought lead into how my Father loves me even if dead things was to come out of me at this meeting- so I asked for help revealing it.
Then it was time for the meeting. One I have some things to do with the relationship with Annie. I have a hard time not wanting to look bad, so saying things I think and feel is challenging. The way Hannah put it I understand what she means. My parenting has always haunted me, always wishing I could change everything not have been a bad parent. I can not express it the way she did but I can write what I got out of it. I was going into town that morning when thinking of what she had said this is it, the things I have failed in God can make bran new and beautiful. I have had small glimps of that but not fully. I had to come to accept I failed parenting in a way that is not feeling condemned about it but giving it to my Father in a way so He can show me His righteouness and not mine along with forgiveness. He has indeed turned all the ashes to beauty. I have beautiful daughters with their own families now and a wonderful son who is here along with Brent is being worked with now too. So that meeting freed me up more , now I have to stay on guard and walk in it. Thank you Hannah and Simchah and to Our Father for meeting us there. Hope it makes sense.