In My Father's House

Things I have been thinking about. Where to start. Golly, I don't know-I am not a writer but here goes. I’ve been reading a book called "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" along with the scriptures. The highlights of what stands out to me is responsibility=response ability. Been on this as a Pilgrim for a long time. Along the way on the path there has been a lot of God given to me. What have I done with it? Wow, what a question? No, this is not about crying over spilled milk but I think it is some things I can see now and couldn't see before. some I can't change but learn from, some I can clean up and start over . Don't take me wrong I have taken responsibility for a lot of my actions and overcame-but taken responsibility of reactions n other people that I helped create is another story. What a concept! I always focus on my failures more than anything. What a trap! How many more times have I went off the path? Too many. How many times does my Father have to tell me something? Too many. How many times have I not followed Love, Peace and Joy? Too many. Given to emotions ,feelings, thoughts and fears you name it that's me. How much does my Father Love me? More than I can grip to the deepest degree. It always seems to me that before you can go to the next chapter in Life the chapter you are in needs to be concluded or reconciled before going on. Looking and seeing things that has haunted me for a couple plus years needs to be finalized. This is one I can't change but I can learn from, And that's Nana bless her heart .Seeing now that truth is not higher than love. Seeing now too that I had expectations over her , and not hope (though it started hopeful then changed). Expectations that are not confirmed with the heart of our Father seems it only crushes, at least that is the way I feel when there is expectations I can't reach- I just want to quit. There seems to be an expectation that our Father has for us that has our end in mind that can give us Life, thou at the moment can cause us to struggle cause of situations, circumstances, feelings and emotions . I can't change what I did or didn't do but I can learn from it. The people that our Father has graciously placed in my path for my growth,(people that was here that is not now) I have shoved them to the side and blamed them for my behavior instead of taking what was mine and thanking my God for the opportunity to change and not try to change other people. Can I do anything about that? There may be some milk residue that can be cleaned up. Something worth seeking. Another lesson that I am seeing clearer I hope is Make sure the people in your house is ok. When I lived with Jerimiah and Dossie I was far consumed with my own problems than taking care of the people I lived with- and still lingured to Robert's house. Which I am sure none hold it against me. Either way this chapter needs to come to a close, to start a new one. Another chapter in the book I am reading was talking about a scenerio as this: You are going to a funeral of a beloved one, and when you get to the casket it is you yourself. The funeral continues as family, friends and such is getting ready to share about you. Then the question is asked what would you like people to say about you? I have thought about that and hopes would be that anybody could say that I was a bottom of the barrel mess in every since in every since of the word , I loved God cause God loved and saved me. I became a open hearted, a loving mother and grandma, a good friend, she had ears to hear without feeling her trying to change you, messed up a lot but backed up easily. She loved much cause she was forgiven much. Anyway our Father had said He finish a work He started, so I want to hang onto that. So often my failures make me feel that I have nothing to stand on. But it no longer stands true. I do indeed have Our Master, Our Lord Jesus Christ to stand on, I do pray He opens my ears, eyes and heart to Him. Love Kitty.