Broken Heart
Strange title huh. By no means am I a writer like some. I try. Sometimes I feel pretty stupid thou but that is ok, good exercise for me. Ok, there is a reason I titled this broken heart.
God is faithful for sure even when I am not. I am indeed stubborn as most people know. Not proud of it by no means but am regardless to say. I am very opinionated too, duh , that is a hard one since it hurts the people around me. God is really coming after His people about intimacy . I am no good at that indeed. I hope I don't make you chase rabbits while reading this :).
Anyway, I went off in left field some where away from the goodness of MY Father. I went down the path of totally feeling insecure if people don't like me, or what if they care for her more, all self. Trusting my own mind again, that is dangerous to every degree. We had two people come talk with us, no pun pulled that is for sure. Having to look at again that as many people I have had relationship problems, things get too hard I want to run away from it instead of closer to God. I get so dull of hearing and seeing My Father. My mind sometimes can seem to accept things easier then deep inside. I am 47 and don't want to waste anymore life.
I was reading a book by Elizabeth Elliott and she said something, yea I have heard it before, but the way it hit me this time was pretty eye opening to me. This is what she said" I believe in one God, the Father, the Almighty, Maker of all things visible and invisible." Then she says this " There's a statement that has nothing to do with my personal opinions or emotions.It's a statement truth and fact regardless of how I am feeling or anything else." It just made me start thinking how I make everything about me- most unfortunate.
Anyway during our two people broken heart was said to me, yes I need a broken heart then God could Love through His vessel. I expect things of people too- well just to say as you can see there is alot of work My Father is trying to do with me, that is just a drop, one of His Daughters that so many times I crumble under and wonder how can that be?
Ok I am getting closer to the broken heart, the other night every thought came to my mind and hit me hard, thoughts that ,had me crying so hard and screaming at the thoughts to go away, well I ended up praying to God to help me only just to hear Him. The thoughts quieted for awhile, I looked up and opened the package that I ordered, it was 4 heart shaped bowls, and guess what, they all some how gotten broken before they got to me. I just sat there and looked at them, took it very seriously that God is behind this, and thought on the spiritual broken heart, I have asked God to grant me a broken heart. So I can hear, see Him in a more intimate way. I don't think I have ever experienced a real LOve for somebody, you know unconditionally, no expectations, not wondering if they see my efforts, not wondering things like that.
I started thinking of much afraid when the seed of Love was planted inside of her there was pain indeed just as Our Savior. broken heart- I know it is pottery but I am His vessel that I get so wrapped up in to thinking of how to get filled, It is not the filling but it is the pouring.
But as I thought and reading the scriptures I started to feel this desire that all that is important is to learn to Love others,,, then I will be Happy for it will be fulfilling the purpose of My Father.
So baby steps I go believing that My Father will complete a work He began, My focus has been way off- But My Father is coming after me Thankfully.
God is faithful for sure even when I am not. I am indeed stubborn as most people know. Not proud of it by no means but am regardless to say. I am very opinionated too, duh , that is a hard one since it hurts the people around me. God is really coming after His people about intimacy . I am no good at that indeed. I hope I don't make you chase rabbits while reading this :).
Anyway, I went off in left field some where away from the goodness of MY Father. I went down the path of totally feeling insecure if people don't like me, or what if they care for her more, all self. Trusting my own mind again, that is dangerous to every degree. We had two people come talk with us, no pun pulled that is for sure. Having to look at again that as many people I have had relationship problems, things get too hard I want to run away from it instead of closer to God. I get so dull of hearing and seeing My Father. My mind sometimes can seem to accept things easier then deep inside. I am 47 and don't want to waste anymore life.
I was reading a book by Elizabeth Elliott and she said something, yea I have heard it before, but the way it hit me this time was pretty eye opening to me. This is what she said" I believe in one God, the Father, the Almighty, Maker of all things visible and invisible." Then she says this " There's a statement that has nothing to do with my personal opinions or emotions.It's a statement truth and fact regardless of how I am feeling or anything else." It just made me start thinking how I make everything about me- most unfortunate.
Anyway during our two people broken heart was said to me, yes I need a broken heart then God could Love through His vessel. I expect things of people too- well just to say as you can see there is alot of work My Father is trying to do with me, that is just a drop, one of His Daughters that so many times I crumble under and wonder how can that be?
Ok I am getting closer to the broken heart, the other night every thought came to my mind and hit me hard, thoughts that ,had me crying so hard and screaming at the thoughts to go away, well I ended up praying to God to help me only just to hear Him. The thoughts quieted for awhile, I looked up and opened the package that I ordered, it was 4 heart shaped bowls, and guess what, they all some how gotten broken before they got to me. I just sat there and looked at them, took it very seriously that God is behind this, and thought on the spiritual broken heart, I have asked God to grant me a broken heart. So I can hear, see Him in a more intimate way. I don't think I have ever experienced a real LOve for somebody, you know unconditionally, no expectations, not wondering if they see my efforts, not wondering things like that.
I started thinking of much afraid when the seed of Love was planted inside of her there was pain indeed just as Our Savior. broken heart- I know it is pottery but I am His vessel that I get so wrapped up in to thinking of how to get filled, It is not the filling but it is the pouring.
But as I thought and reading the scriptures I started to feel this desire that all that is important is to learn to Love others,,, then I will be Happy for it will be fulfilling the purpose of My Father.
So baby steps I go believing that My Father will complete a work He began, My focus has been way off- But My Father is coming after me Thankfully.
What a sweet entry! I love the package that arrived for you. I know I say this all the time but if you're like me, you can never hear it enough. God loves you, Kitra. Very much. I am confidant He hears your prayers and is happy to respond to your every request. He, in His magical way, sent you a present (broken pottery hearts) so you would have something tangible to hold from Him until a day you won't need such temporal things anymore because you'll be standing right beside Him. Able to hold His hands instead of His temporal gifts. That is just so like Him to send that to you!!! Enjoy!! Oh, and I love you too!
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